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30's

I think time and time again i keep asking myself this question : what is life ?  What do we do with it and ...... how shall we deal with it? Forgive me as I have not been able to find an answer for these questions and Im feeling tired of repeating the same questions and getting no answers. So, lets do this differently, shall we?  What has changed since say vs 10 years ago? (Maybe this time , i'll do some "comparisons" just for the sake of marking some growth in myself. I guess its better now or never to self reflect if I've done any real / good changes to my life eh?) 1) Age -- is this really gonna be my first question? unfortunately yes. Age wise - i have added 10 years to my life , and still feeling pretty unsure about whats happening . However, i would be grateful that Covid hit in my 30s not my 20s cause I did have a good time back then. I spent my 20's chasing my dreams, going on travels beyond my wildest dreams, I was literally breathing in good vibes only, ...
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Midnight rants

What happens when bleak turns into nothing ? Initially it's only seconds that ticks by but slowly and surely turns into minutes, hours, days, months. What do we want ? What does our body want ? What does our brain want ? What does our soul want ? What do we gain from "want" ? As the seconds passes we age and yet we live. But do we live to fulfil our hearts desires or do we live only to serve a purpose of life? Throughout this lockdown, I found that I had been trying to give myself more direction, purpose and fulfilment. I indulge in things that I never quite had the capacity to do. I push myself to try things for the sake of curiousity. But at the end of the day the few things that remain constant in life are the things that I realised challenges me the most. And as much as I have known that changes need to be made, I can never quite pin point what exactly is needed to be done. So for starters perhaps I should start with "feel-ers" to point...
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Midnight

It's just another night .  Insomnia creeps into my mind and becomes best friends with my soul.  I am tired, aching somewhere deep inside. A piece of my heart that I've buried finds a way to call me.  It's like Pandora's box. The last thing that creeps out is hope.  After all that despair I wonder if im still waiting. But my honest question is, what am I waiting for? There are times in life when someone was once your everything and yet, somehow... that somone magically turns into a stranger right infront of your eyes and you just can't take the distance of the heart any longer. Not when loneliness has a way of knocking on your door.  I need to move on. I need to go. Maybe one day I'll just stop breathing. Well, that inevitable but maybe one day I'll be able to breathe without having to hurt anymore.  Without having to feel anymore. Cause the wound is still fresh and deep.  Days like today the cut star...
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Feelings

We loved each other so much and yet we grew apart. Why do we take people for granted? Why do we lose hipe. Why do we give up? Why are we so weak as humans? Do we even want whats best for us or do we just want to hurt ourselves ovee and over again?
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